Paul Currie @ The Hive

Russell and I first met Paul Currie in the queue for my Dad Wrote a Porno. He stood in front of us eating a Krispy Kreme and pushing a granny trolley, stacked with flyers for his show. I was intrigued and thought there was a possibility of a free donut if we went to his show.

Paul Currie 2

We never got a donut but the show ‘Cats in my Mouth’ had me questioning my humour. I was very glad we ventured back into the Hive (smelly venue) to see him.

We bought a ticket (£5) before hand as we heard his show can be a busy one. It was. Russell and I sat a few rows from the front and one in from the aisle which I am sure Russell said his prayers as  the lights dimmed as he was sooo close to being on stage in his boxers, sumo wrestling Paul. That would of been AMAZING but the guy next to him got picked.

Paul took to the stage in a white belted boiler suit with cowboy boots. He later stripped down to stained boxers, eye opening! He pranced, danced and sang to the audience who were in hysterics.

For at least 5 minutes we were glued to him reading a Where’s Wally book on stage. One by one he took a member of the audience up to help him. I am not sure why it was funny, it just was.

A few other sketches involved Paul playing the drums on a plant, drinking soya milk from a bowl and changing the words of More than a Woman to meows. Now that is something that will stick with me whenever the Bee Gees come on the radio!

For a whole hour my brain was clueless to what was actually going on but it was great to not have to think about anything. If you are after a show that involves little thinking, go see Paul at 8.30pm every day at the Hive.

Paul Currie 1

 

Embracing the embarrassment…

This post might put you of Oreos for the rest of your life so here is a poo warning. You read on at your own risk…

Today I thought I would share 3 embarrassing moments involving poo and me, as I usually have some poo related incident a week. These moments will now be on the internet FOREVER.

  1. I have mentioned this before but it is too funny not to mention again – my poo sample exploding over the reception desk at my doctors. NEVER fill the sample jar up. They only need a SMALL amount. Lesson was well and truly learnt!KRAFT FOODS - Oreo
  2. Eating a packet of Oreos the day before a poo sample was due was a mistake. My poo came out black in an Oreo crust. I certainly got asked a few extra questions when handing it over. Hilda* (receptionist) and I now have a weird relationship that began over my explosive/black poo.KRAFT FOODS - Oreo
  3. Before I was diagnosed I went on a long weekend up North. The place we were staying at had a Sauna in the bathroom. Of course, my dodgy bowels played up and I had to go. It was bad… the smelliest poo, even to this day to leave me. I was so embarrassed I blamed it on the ‘mouldy’ sauna – I don’t think anyone used it again on the trip!

KRAFT FOODS - Oreo

Sometimes I ask myself why do I share my life so much, but if it gives one person struggling with IBD out there a laugh it’s worth it! I am sure we have all had an uh oh moment involving poo. I certainly have a list as long as my arm with many more coming my way.

I also have embarrassing moments involving being clumsy, drunk, old photos and not thinking before I speak.

Anyway, my point in this post is embrace your embarrassing moments – they make you great!

Embarrassing 1

 

Edinburgh Fringe Highlights // Week 1

Obviously I had to go and see The Kagools again, to show Russell the wonders of their Tutti show. I think I have a slight crush on them and I have been practising my facial expressions to one day maybe become the third Kagool? Anyway, they are a MUST see on at The Caves 5.15pm.Fringe 9I seen 10 minutes of Lloyd Griffith at Comedy in the Dark – I never knew the word asshole (sorry) could be sang so beautifully. He has an outstanding knowledge of Cathedrals and looks like he is a baker. Lloyd had me laughing about history when I have no real interest in the topic. His main show is on at the Pleasance 7pm. (Also he will be appearing on some football show, Soccer AM?)

Adam Rowe’s show is about relationships, his lazy eye and a Primark jacket. This is not a show to go to with your parents! Sat in the front row (as we were being cheap skates and never bought tickets) had some awkward, yet relatable questions thrown our way. He is on at the Mash House 7pm.

Bobby Mair is on at the Hive 7.15pm. Minging venue but Bobby has had the best joke of the Fringe so far for me. He is definitely worth sitting in a smelly room for. His show is based on his life story which is sad yet weirdly funny. I had to resist running on the stage and giving him a hug. He is one half of the tv show Bobby and Harriet get Married (must watch that too!)

Also worth mentioning is Patrick Monahan and Lauren Pattison if you can get your hands on some tickets!

I am away to take extra vitamins so I can hopefully carry on with the next 2 weeks. Speak soon x

 

Pudding of my Dreams

I have been eyeing up Civerino’s at Hunter Square for over a year now. The main selling point? They have a Nutella calzone. Yip, a calzone filled with Nutella-y goodness. My prayers have been answered!

As it is currently the Edinburgh Festival and town is heaving, we did not expect to get a table without having to wait. Lucky for us we were sat straight away and drinking a slushy of the day cocktail within minutes. The slushy went down a treat – Vodka, Aperol and Blood Orange.

Civ 4

We sat outside to take in the buzz of the festival. The tables are long and you are sharing with other people. Not that we minded as we could drool over everyone’s food as it came out. You get a heck of a load of chips as a side by the way!

We decided our best option would be to share a pizza so we would have room for the main reason we came… the Nutella Calzone.

We went for a boring margherita. This pizza, for having no additional toppings was pretty good – Light, crispy and plenty cheese. The tomato base was also sweet which I liked! I was temped by one with rump steak – that is what I will be ordering next time as I will definitely be back.

Civ 3

As we had mentioned to the waiter when we arrived about the Nutella calzone we did not have to wait long for it to arrive. The servers we had could not off been more attentive if they tried. The calzone was placed between us, along with a  pizza cutter and a cup of whipped cream. It was better than I could have expected.

Obviously I had to make Russell wait as I Instagramed and Bommeranged the life out of the thing, then tucked in. My mouth stuffed with Nutella and cream, I gave Russell a big grin from over the table. This is the best moment of my life I thought… or until I come across another Nutella recipe. All I can say is it was YUM.

Civ 5

Civerino’s was a busy place but we didn’t feel rushed to leave. To be honest I could of sat much longer if it wasn’t for the fact I had ate so much I thought I was going to explode. I was so full I thought Russell would have to roll me home.

The bill came to 30 odd pound for 2 alcoholic drinks, a 14inch pizza and the calzone (which could of easily fed 4) – I thought was very reasonable.

The calzone is now all I can think/talk about…. Thanks Civerino’s for creating the pudding of my dreams!

 

 

Welcome to the House of Fun…

On Friday the skies stayed clear (thank goodness) and I jumped about to Madness at Falkirk Stadium.

I was surprised I knew so many of their songs besides One Step Beyond, House of Fun and Baggy Trousers (which I danced to in a dance show many moons ago – wearing baggy joggy bottoms of course). Anyway, the crowd was amazing as Madness sang away. I am sure Suggs is my local UPS driver in disguise, they look too similar.

Madness 2

Toilet queues were not a problem for Joanne and myself as I used it to my advantage to use the disabled. The toilet paper was a funny yellow colour… hmm. The staff were great and never questioned why I was using them as I just flashed them my card.

We did miss the start of One Step Beyond but ran into the crowd to catch the end. The place was mental during that song. At the end of It Must be Love, a piper took to the stage where we all belted out 2 versus of Flower of Scotland… not so many people knew the third!

Madness 5

What I loved about this event was alcohol wasn’t limited to beer or wine – You could get spirits, or a whole bottle of Prosecco! However I did end up being ‘classy’ with a tin or two of warm Tennent’s. I decided to take the risk and pay for being daft in the morning.

The queue for a drink was pretty long as they only had one stand at one side of the pitch next to the portaloos so queues were getting mixed up. They were strict with ID too which with my baby face meant getting IDed on many occasions – I suppose it is a good thing though!

Madness 4

 

And to top of a perfect evening, I got a toastie on the way home to eat in my jammies with my feet up!

 

Woe is me

Well haven’t my last few posts been a bit depressing eh!

I promise I am a happy wee ginger most of the time. The posts are just to give you a insight into my not so glamourous life where I spend about 95% of my time in jammies.

If I am not crying/in noticeable pain I mostly looking like the pics below. Smiling, probably drinking a gin or being sociable with coffee and cake. I push myself A LOT to not cave to the hermit life which is why I think people have been shocked by my recent posts.

Although saying that, the soppy posts have opened the flood gates for cake offerings (thanks Uncle Ian!) so I might just have to keep it real with you as long as Nutella is involved. Ha!

Now in the words of Mcfly – 

Oh, you just gotta be happy
But sometimes that’s hard
So just remember to smile, smile, smile
And that’s a good enough start

 

smile 5

smile 3
Happy St Paddy’s Day!
smile 2
Coffee, coffee, coffee – getting me through the day.
smile 1
Rhubarb gin and prosecco is the perfect combo. Trust me!

 

 

smile 4
The smallest gin cocktail but the priciest on the menu.

 

 

UGH, School.

I had a fairly normal school life up until 5th year when I started experiencing IBS like symptoms. That was when I started to hate school and everything started to go a bit wrong. Tears, failing tests and A LOT of sick days.

5th and 6th year was a struggle but when I look back now it was totally understandable. I was in more pain than the average woman in labour but had no access to pain relief or understanding of what my body was doing. This pain was with me every day throughout my Higher education – it was not the fun and sociable 2 years I had been expecting.School 2

No one had a clue what do to help me so I just tried to continue on with life as best I could while taking Buscopan for IBS. Days just got harder though…

Between unsympathetic teachers, exams, university pressure and constant speculation that I had an eating disorder, it was no wonder I wanted to spend my time wrapped up in bed. My exams didn’t go great, my social life suffered and I never ended up going to university. WHY?… As my classmates where able to concentrate on the teacher and learning, I was more concerned about sh*tting on the floor or passing out mid-exam.

I wasn’t diagnosed until the end of 6th year so I had no explanation to give the teachers for a year and a half as they shouted at me when I wasn’t getting the grasp of Pythagoras or falling asleep during a class reading of ‘Death of a Salesman’ I was ill but sadly, they never believed me as I had no proof or medical note to excuse me from class.note

I was monitored for a bit to make sure I was eating at lunchtime. Which then just left me in pain for the afternoon and a big grump. On the outside I was seen as a bubbly girl, always up for a laugh or a joke. ALWAYS talking but in reality, I would cry myself to sleep as I knew the diagnosis of what I had wasn’t going to be pleasant with the symptoms I was experiencing!

Finally I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. I hadn’t been faking being ill, I never had an eating disorder and I could get on with my life. However it wasn’t that easy, obviously.

My school lacked knowledge, support and sympathy to help me. What I should have done was push for more help, get toilet passes, exam help, extra lesson time, extra exam time and work from home days (if agreed by the school of course) but I was embarrassed. Any young IBD sufferers reading this, you are entitled to help. So raise your voice – remember everyone poos to some extent (Probably just not as much as us) and try to get over the embarrassment of this disease.School

In the long run I know I would have struggled with uni so I am quite glad I never went. I now have a full time job, where I am gaining qualifications and I’m not afraid to speak up if I need extra help.

So you young ones out there – you can do anything you want to it, it might just take a few extra toilet trips that’s all x