- The pain never goes away. I can mask the pain with very strong painkillers but it always returns.
- Taking above painkillers on an empty stomach (not doc advised) will make you loopy and think minions are attacking.
- I cry in the shower a lot – In fact I cry everywhere a lot!
- I can be constipated one minute and diarrhoea the next. Every toilet visit is a surprise.
- Sometimes it hurts to sit down after wiping too much. So much so, I might invest in a rubber ring.
- There is an art of getting ready while perched on the loo. I have mastered this – finish my coffee (see pic below)*, teeth brushed, make up applied and dressed.
- My stomach makes noises that don’t even sound human. They are often mistaken with the engine of a double decker bus outside my work. Lucky colleagues!
- I often get caught up in the routine of pooing, showering, pooing, showering…
- Granny pants are not attractive but I own 16 pairs of the floral kind.
- Accidents do happen. I can laugh about it!
- I sit on the toilet for at least 15 minutes, every morning, before I leave for work.
- I can’t remember what it is like to not have UTI symptoms or to be fully awake.
- Always take the doc up on the offer of sedatives for a colonoscopy.
- The prep to get a camera up your bum is much, MUCH, much worse than the procedure itself.
- Having a fear of needles is not ideal when taking azathioprine.
And last but not least…
- I can tell you which toilets have the nicest hand soap! (at the moment Tesco is winning)
^ it is sadly a joke box, but it would make my life 100% if the product did actually exist!