Russell and I have been on a few trips during our nearly 4 years of being with each other and every trip I am a slight pain, as I like to know every little detail, have a fear of unknown loos, through the roof travel insurance and if venturing to a sunny destination – usually end up burnt to a crisp.
Our first trip was to Ibiza in August 2014. My main concern on this trip was how am I going to poo? Bearing in mind my poos can smell worse than sewage. There is no amount of frebreze that could save this situation. Every time I needed to go I would make an excuse ‘Oh I forgot my headphones’ , ‘Oh I forgot my book’ , ‘Oh I forgot the sun cream’ – you get the drift. This of course only worked if we weren’t in the room to begin with. By the end of the week (as my confidence grew) I just told him to stand out on the balcony while I took to the thrown. To be honest, toilets were the least of my worries once I ended up with sun stroke!
By the December of 2015 we were fed up with the cold so booked a last minute deal to Tenerife. We flew out and were put into a fancy suite at Hotel Arenas Del Mar. It was lovely and the bathroom was huge. I had been with Russell 2 and a half years by this point so pooing didn’t seem to be too much of an issue. I didn’t make him stand out on the balcony. However, the all inclusive drinks and a lightweight Clair were a slight problem!
For my birthday in 2016 we hopped over to Dublin to celebrate St Paddy’s day and watch Ireland destroy Scotland in the Six Nations (boo!) Anyway, to celebrate my birthday we went out for a nice meal which ended up with me being glued to the toilet for the entire night crying for my mum! The meal was reappearing out of both ends – Not a pretty sight! Thankfully our hotel, The Spencer, had very good plumbing. This trip also included getting lost twice, a smashed phone and a stadium that sold cocktails.
By the May I had managed to convince Russell we needed a trip to Blackpool (my favourite place) so after days of trailing Booking.com I found the perfect B&B – The Wescoe. It was a beautiful B&B with a fancy bathroom (heated towel rail – yes please!) I loved it so much we stayed again this year. There was no poo drama on this mini break you’ll be pleased to hear.
On our return from Blackpool we were back on the road down to Centre Parcs with Russell’s family. For this trip my bowels were not playing I nice. I was so nervous about the toilet situation I COULD JUST NOT GO and this resulted in me being constipated for a weekend – sigh! Not even eating a curry (which I tend to stay away from due to unsightly circumstances) got things moving. I also learnt on this trip I am not as active as I thought I was but did eat the best pancakes ever!
Onto our last trip of 2016, a long weekend in York. Luckily we were staying at my step dads flat – with 2 bathrooms – so I was totally fine with the toilet situation. Although the journey down was tough as I had a urine infection so we had to stop at every services along the way. It was only right to get a Costa every time too! We ended up staying longer than planned as I developed some ugly viral infection which started to clear need the end of our trip. Also, we discovered the delightful parmo and now crave one every time I am drunk!
Now what do we have planned for our next adventure? FLORIDA… in 180 something days! If you have any tips I would love to hear them.
P.S. I am already memorising food menus in preparation.