After the recent events that have taken place in Manchester and London I have had an ongoing feeling of sadness and confusion. From someone who often lives with their heads in the clouds, I am really struggling with the evilness in this world and I am sure I am not the only one!
After balling my eyes out at the Ariana Grande One Love concert for Manchester, I found myself giving a pep talk to my reflection in the bathroom mirror at 3am this morning (damn a dodgy Chinese) – I will not get lost in the oblivion of terror hashtags or endless scrolling on news apps. Although, I will also not put my head in the sand and pretend the world is fine. It is far from it.
To everyone who has been affected by the last couple of months I want to give you a big hug and never let go. You have been in my thoughts more often than not and I know nothing I can say can make a different to the state of the world right now, but I think we could all try to lift each others spirits.
Smile more, laugh more, hug more, celebrate more, communicate more and just LOVE more.
Do not let ANYONE stop you from living YOUR life… and certainly don’t live it in fear (which is easier said than done) but remember LOVE WINS.
I have it drummed into me to check my poo for any changes. When changes occur such as colour, texture or smell I note them down to inform my doc.
The relief of making it to the toilet in time is never to be taken for granted.
I have looked at adult nappies and thought one day I am going to find them very useful.
Stomas are scary to me and living in fear of possibly having to get one is draining.
Then I remind myself that it would increase my quality of living and I feel a bit better.
Sometimes my poo comes out blue/green. I know not to panic and it will be from either drinking too many blue WKDs (true story), iron tablets or eating spinach (usually).
Cider seems to be the only alcohol that plays havoc with MY Crohn’s but every Crohnie is different.
I can look at size 8 in the morning the by lunch time I can look 8 months pregnant.
River Island have the comfiest leggings – Good for people who suffer from bloating too!
I dread when the doctor tells me I have to go on steroids.
I dread going to the doctor/hospital/nurse in general and I like my dad to come with me. Chances of me passing out when seeing a needle/blood are high!
Some (most) toilet trips make me cry in pain.
Sudo-cream is a very handy thing to have in the house during a flare!
If I eat something spicy, I can guarantee it is going to cause serious damage and upset.
^ Same with pineapple, tomato soup, vegetables, sour cream and popcorn.
When I am eating, I sometimes have to think about other things to distract me.
I only feel really comfortable eating in front of people I know well.
I maybe, sometimes use my Crohn’s as an excuse to get out of things (shhh!) BUT more often that not I push through and end up making myself ill.
When in a flare (before diagnosis) my pain had been measured higher than someone in labour.
Crushing your painkillers into jam and singing a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down will result in tears and being sick into the toilet.
If there is anything you would like to know about please ask – I am happy to answer any poo related questions.
Thanks for reading x
The pain never goes away. I can mask the pain with very strong painkillers but it always returns.
Taking above painkillers on an empty stomach (not doc advised) will make you loopy and think minions are attacking.
I cry in the shower a lot – In fact I cry everywhere a lot!
I can be constipated one minute and diarrhoea the next. Every toilet visit is a surprise.
Sometimes it hurts to sit down after wiping too much. So much so, I might invest in a rubber ring.
There is an art of getting ready while perched on the loo. I have mastered this – finish my coffee (see pic below)*, teeth brushed, make up applied and dressed.
My stomach makes noises that don’t even sound human. They are often mistaken with the engine of a double decker bus outside my work. Lucky colleagues!
I often get caught up in the routine of pooing, showering, pooing, showering…
Granny pants are not attractive but I own 16 pairs of the floral kind.
Accidents do happen. I can laugh about it!
I sit on the toilet for at least 15 minutes, every morning, before I leave for work.
I can’t remember what it is like to not have UTI symptoms or to be fully awake.
Always take the doc up on the offer of sedatives for a colonoscopy.
The prep to get a camera up your bum is much, MUCH, much worse than the procedure itself.
Having a fear of needles is not ideal when taking azathioprine.
And last but not least…
I can tell you which toilets have the nicest hand soap! (at the moment Tesco is winning)
^ it is sadly a joke box, but it would make my life 100% if the product did actually exist!