Confessions of a Crohnie – Part 3

  • I have gone to the doctors in my jammies more than once – not even ashamed.
  • My granny pants are so big they come up to my belly button.
  • Every time I try and be healthy or go to the gym, my body goes into shock. WHY ARE YOU FEEDING ME VEGETABLES – GO TO MCDONALDS AND ORDER A CHEESEBURGER. (FYI – I tried a pea pod the other day and I lived to tell the tale).
  • My painkillers are the dissolvable kind as I can’t swallow tablets.
  • Sometimes so much poo comes out of me I wonder how it is possible?!

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  • I get annoyed when people confuse IBD with IBS – it is NOT the same thing.
  • I get frustrated when people assume I am well because I am young and say you look great… nope, help, my insides are red raw. I have about 89 mouth ulcers (exaggeration) and I don’t know the last time I had a solid bowel movement.
  • I am lucky that my work understand my disease. I have worked in retail before where it was a struggle to get them to realise it’s not IBS (see point 1 of this section) Print outs and tears eventually helped me get the point across.
  • I always feel dirty.
  • I go through about 4 rolls of toilet roll a week.

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  • At the moment I just want to eat quiche and drink Dr Pepper – healthy as ever.
  • My farts smell so bad sometimes, I have actually boked in my mouth (sorry TMI!)
  • Every day for me is a learning day. I love reading about new Crohn’s studies/developments.
  • As you probably are aware, I am very open about my body. I could talk about poo all day, every day.
  • I should be renamed Spotty McSpot face at the moment as I am having a major break out thanks to medication.

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  • Even when it’s a warm night, I have to go to a bed with a hot water bottle strapped to my back.
  • My pain threshold is pretty impressive.
  • I would love to wear white jeans but I have the FEAR of an accident happening and knowing my luck it would happen in public.
  • I have learnt not to judge. I can’t stress enough the importance of not evil eyeing someone as they come out of a disabled loo – Not every disability is visible!
  • Sometimes I just have to laugh at the situations I get myself into and hope everyone else is as understanding about the smells, tears and regular updates.

 

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Confessions of a Crohnie – Part 2

 

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  • I have it drummed into me to check my poo for any changes. When changes occur such as colour, texture or smell I note them down to inform my doc.
  • The relief of making it to the toilet in time is never to be taken for granted.
  • I have looked at adult nappies and thought one day I am going to find them very useful.
  • Stomas are scary to me and living in fear of possibly having to get one is draining.
  • Then I remind myself that it would increase my quality of living and I feel a bit better.

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  • Sometimes my poo comes out blue/green. I know not to panic and it will be from either drinking too many blue WKDs (true story), iron tablets or eating spinach (usually).
  • Cider seems to be the only alcohol that plays havoc with MY Crohn’s but every Crohnie is different.
  • I can look at size 8 in the morning the by lunch time I can look 8 months pregnant.
  • River Island have the comfiest leggings – Good for people who suffer from bloating too!
  • I dread when the doctor tells me I have to go on steroids.

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  • I dread going to the doctor/hospital/nurse in general and I like my dad to come with me. Chances of me passing out when seeing a needle/blood are high!
  • Some (most) toilet trips make me cry in pain.
  • Sudo-cream is a very handy thing to have in the house during a flare!
  • If I eat something spicy, I can guarantee it is going to cause serious damage and upset.
  • ^ Same with pineapple, tomato soup, vegetables, sour cream and popcorn.

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  • When I am eating, I sometimes have to think about other things to distract me.
  • I only feel really comfortable eating in front of people I know well.
  • I maybe, sometimes use my Crohn’s as an excuse to get out of things (shhh!) BUT more often that not I push through and end up making myself ill.
  • When in a flare (before diagnosis) my pain had been measured higher than someone in labour.
  • Crushing your painkillers into jam and singing a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down will result in tears and being sick into the toilet.

CrohnsIf there is anything you would like to know about please ask – I am happy to answer any poo related questions.

Thanks for reading x

Confessions of a Crohnie – Part 1

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  • The pain never goes away. I can mask the pain with very strong painkillers but it always returns.
  • Taking above painkillers on an empty stomach (not doc advised) will make you loopy and think minions are attacking.
  • I cry in the shower a lot – In fact I cry everywhere a lot!
  • I can be constipated one minute and diarrhoea the next. Every toilet visit is a surprise.
  • Sometimes it hurts to sit down after wiping too much. So much so, I might invest in a rubber ring.

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  • There is an art of getting ready while perched on the loo. I have mastered this – finish my coffee (see pic below)*, teeth brushed, make up applied and dressed.
  • My stomach makes noises that don’t even sound human. They are often mistaken with the engine of a double decker bus outside my work. Lucky colleagues!
  • I often get caught up in the routine of pooing, showering, pooing, showering…
  • Granny pants are not attractive but I own 16 pairs of the floral kind.
  • Accidents do happen. I can laugh about it!

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  • I sit on the toilet for at least 15 minutes, every morning, before I leave for work.
  • I can’t remember what it is like to not have UTI symptoms or to be fully awake.
  • Always take the doc up on the offer of sedatives for a colonoscopy.
  • The prep to get a camera up your bum is much, MUCH, much worse than the procedure itself.
  • Having a fear of needles is not ideal when taking azathioprine.

And last but not least…

  • I can tell you which toilets have the nicest hand soap! (at the moment Tesco is winning)

Coffee shower

^ it is sadly a joke box, but it would make my life 100% if the product did actually exist!