A wee cry in the sky

Russell and I flew down to Southampton for a friends wedding in Portsmouth (not Plymouth as we originally thought and planned for – oops!) and all was fine.

wedding 3


The return journey was not so fine.

(After reading the news I am now blaming the pain on drinking two Costa ice drinks – read here!!!)

Anyway, as soon as our flight took off to head back to Glasgow airport, something inside me decided to cause great pain. It was like I was being continually stabbed while  someone was also twisting my intestine. It felt like my insides were swelling up and I would soon resemble Violet from Willy Wonka (although I am not purple) My feet already looked like little Richmond sausages from the heat so I knew I could pull of this bloated look… just not the pain!

Queue the tears…

It was soon clear that I was the baby on board this flight.

The pain was so bad that not even a game of cards could take my mind of it. This resulted in Russell letting me win a few games to make me feel better (awww!).

For the whole flight I spent it wiping tears away and taking deep breaths as I never had any painkillers to hand. I sounded like one of the mums to be on One Born Every Minute – Can you visualise the scene? A lot of huffing and puffing was taking place while I sat with my jeans unbuttoned crying into a deck of cards.wedding 2I managed to compose myself in time for landing but as soon as I stood up to get off the little propeller plane the pain was heightened. I was walking like I had had an accident in my pants (which surprisingly I hadn’t – yes, I am as shocked as you are!)

Two feet safely on concrete I was sure I was close to passing out. Hunched over clenching my left side, two airport staff came to assist. I knew if I spoke it would just be a wail of pain and tears so Russell tried to inform them I had Crohn’s. To begin with I think they thought I had been punched in the stomach. They couldn’t of been any quicker to react and next thing I knew I was being quickly escorted through the airport in a wheelchair out to the bus stop. Cringe or what?

wedding 1

So where does that leave me? Well I am now fearing for a long haul flight to Florida in November but hopefully Edinburgh Airport are just as nice as Glasgow? I shall keep you posted!

PS. I might now consider adult nappies…





One Love – One World

After the recent events that have taken place in Manchester and London I have had an ongoing feeling of sadness and confusion. From someone who often lives with their heads in the clouds, I am really struggling with the evilness in this world and I am sure I am not the only one!

After balling my eyes out at the Ariana Grande One Love concert for Manchester, I found myself giving a pep talk to my reflection in the bathroom mirror at 3am this morning (damn a dodgy Chinese) – I will not get lost in the oblivion of terror hashtags or endless scrolling on news apps. Although, I will also not put my head in the sand and pretend the world is fine. It is far from it.

To everyone who has been affected by the last couple of months I want to give you a big hug and never let go. You have been in my thoughts more often than not and I know nothing I can say can make a different to the state of the world right now, but I think we could all try to lift each others spirits.

Smile more, laugh more, hug more, celebrate more, communicate more and just LOVE more.

Do not let ANYONE stop you from living YOUR life… and certainly don’t live it in fear (which is easier said than done) but remember LOVE WINS.

Keep smiling!




Today is World IBD day, and if you know me I like to find any excuse to celebrate!

So today (and Saturday), I am raising awareness and celebrating the 300, 000 people in the UK alone who are battling against IBD (Inflammatory Bowel Disease).

To the Crohnie’s who are silently suffering, dealing with endless needles and having to poo into sample jars on a regular basis. To the ones undergoing life changing surgery, to the newly diagnosed who thinks their life will be over because they have to deal with poo – We deserve this day to acknowledge and be proud of how great we actually are.

I feel by doing this blog I am able to give an insight into my sometimes sh*tty life by keeping it real and answering your questions. The IBD world is scary place! I know too well the fear of being handed leaflets about Stomas, colonoscopies, fistulas and liquid diets. I know the feeling when someone says “I have IBS I know how you feel” (queue eye roll) and Oh how I know the feeling of disappointing people – THAT is just the worst.

But listen Crohnies – we have got this. We have the best attitude, the best fighting spirit and probably are the best at grossing people out (hehe)!

Now lets get upbeat….

So what celebration plans are on the table tonight?

Once home from work (I went back on Wednesday and yes, I am still peeing poo) I will be putting my jammies on and pouring myself a glass of prosecco that has been chilling in my fridge since last weekend and popping RuPaul on Netflix. A big hooray for making it through the week!

Then tomorrow?

In the morning a new post about a ‘Day in the Life’ should be live on the blog. Might be a good Saturday morning read… on the toilet?

At night, I am planning on going out and drinking maybe one to many gins – gasp! Alcohol will sterilize my urine though(?) Miss pooey pee pants over here will be out dancing the night away and don’t worry if I bump into you – I promise I wont poo myself in your presence < a legitimate comment from someone! I will also be donning fake tan to look less corpse like and might even be wearing a nappy ( I joke!!!) I have a new dress from ASOS that would totally give me a visible nappy line.

Clair cartoonNow before you ask ‘Should you be doing that’ or my mum reads this and texts saying ‘nooooooo stay home’ don’t worry! I shouldn’t even drink coffee, eat solid food or venture near anyone with a cold, but I do.

AND in the off chance I end up ill… again… I will do what us Crohnie’s do best and power through.

So here is to all of us suffering with Crohn’s, Colitis or any other bowel disease. We have got this!

Now where did I put the gin…..?


Chained to the Toilet – Day 2

Day 2 of this flare and I am onto toilet roll number 4, season 2 of RuPaul’s drag race and my 3rd pair of clean jammies – so far so good I would say (all considering that is!)

I am currently off sick from work which I HATE doing due to my Crohn’s but I think my colleagues will be thanking me on this occasion. I am extra moany, extra whiney and extra smelly… but I feel like when I phone in sick I don’t sound sick. I don’t even look sick.

SO what is wrong with me this time?

I am peeing poo – yip – that is happening. l also have blood in my poo and severe stomach cramps. The thought of leaving the house with no access to a toilet is giving me the FEAR! Thank goodness for painkillers, antibiotics and hot water bottles.

I am not even attempting to push on today . I am admitting defeat to this flare by curling up in my new bed (it eventually arrived) and working my way through a pack of Andrex wet wipes – Sometimes you just have to treat yourself and your bum.

Fingers crossed I will be back at work soon. Doing what I do best and pestering my colleagues with my how to be an adult questions!

Toilet RollP.S. Not looking for sympathy here. Just keeping it real with all you lovely readers.




Another week, another pain to add to the list!

Last week was a toughie. My fatigue, iron and mood were at an ultimate low.

I have been the biggest crab ever known to walk the earth the last few days. When I haven’t been sleeping, I have been moaning! Poor Russell – there is no escaping me as we now actually live together. I sent the meanest text to him that if he touched ‘my’ pizza there would be severe consequences. Sorry Russell! (there is a slice left in the fridge – all for you!)



What is new this week on the never ending list of symptoms?

  1. Nose bleeds – I do not do blood AT ALL so this was gross.
  2. Fainting – Oh the drama I cause! Now eating breakfast and not relying solely on coffee to get me through to lunch.
  3. A constant pain in my back – A hot water bottle seems to ease that so strapping one on and rocking the ninja turtle look.

I am visiting my GP on Thursday for my B12 jags (nippiest injection ever) so I am pretty sure they will help turn my frown upside down and give me a bit of life.

I am stocked up on tissues and eating a bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes in the morning which seemed to help today. Although, I still did get a Costa… I can’t break the habit!

Here is to a much better week, with hopefully a large glass of alcohol at the end of it.

Much love,
Grumpy Clair x

Image result for Snow White Grumpy Dwarf

The award for best actress goes to…

It is time to celebrate. I have made it to the end of the working week – Hooray!

(not looking for sympathy by the way – just sharing the downs of Crohn’s)

Getting myself to work by Tuesday was looking unlikely as getting out of bed was such a struggle. Between my hip pain and cramps I was considering if taking early retirement was a viable way out… but I made it.

I cried a few times, took painkillers, drank my weight in coffee (even cheated on Costa with a Starbucks I was that desperate) and ate a lot of beige food. FYI Sainsbury’s chicken goujons get a big thumbs up from me.

Now as I have mentioned before, my illness is invisible. No one can see my infected colon unless a camera is either pushed up or down me – not very pleasant I know. So, I just carry on smiling and wincing quietly in pain as I get on with my day. My acting skills, not to boast (well a wee bit) are amazing. I would even go as far to say I should get an Oscar for outstanding performance in acting ‘healthy’ – obviously I am joking, but it would be nice to attend a fancy award show and wear a pretty dress. Although who knows if my intestines would even allow me to attend?

Anyway, enough of my moaning. It is time to celebrate – I have a pair of clean jammies, bottle of wine in fridge and I can hear pizza calling my name (not Domino’s unfortunately!)

Have a great weekend folks, and to all my fellow invisible illness sufferers – keep smiling you troopers! x



Weight loss v Weight gain

My weight goes up and down so much that I have sections in my wardrobe ranging from a UK size 6 – UK 12. One of the many symptoms of Crohn’s Disease (not an eating disorder).

(Not even a year between this 2 pictures ^)

Right now I am a comfortable 8 on top, 10 on bottom. Which is great as I am not the healthiest eater and don’t venture near a gym – damn joints.

However, I am often involved in conversations about weight loss, detoxing and the latest slimming world recipe must have. Which then leaves me thinking, maybe I should try and be healthier? Yet, whenever I am healthy, I end up ill. Is it really worth eating well to lose a few pounds to end up toilet bound? I don’t think so. Pass me the Chinese menu pronto!

When I was at my lowest weight of under 7 stone, I wasn’t happy and in constant pain so why, oh why do I get an enormous rage of jealousy when someone states they  have lost a pound or two? I should be embracing the fact I can eat and enjoy food to a certain extent – sorry tomato soup, I am never eating you again – Or until I can have a self cleaning toilet. TMI? Sorry!

Clair 2013

(2013 – after a round of steroids ^)

Do NOT get me wrong, I wouldn’t say I need to lose mass amounts of weight. I would just like to put my jeans on without huffing and puffing! However, I could always put my bigger size ones on.

Clair 2014(Summer 2014 ^)

I suppose I could also cut out the endless junk that I shovel into my mouth. Nutella by the spoonful, pizza, crisps, chocolate, donuts, biscuits… that might make me feel better but I could also slap a layer of fake tan on – I am sure it has magic slimming properties!

Clair 2017(Me now – Happy and the healthiest I have been in a while! ^)

Anyway, the reason behind this post is to say I am embracing my inflamed, bloated, puffy body for now and enjoying all the junk food my body can handle.

Ps. if I see anymore slimming world quark recipes I will cry – they give me the fear!