5:04am: Eyes ping open… oh no no no no! Run to the bathroom, trying not to wake snoring beauty (Russell) in the other half of the bed.
5:06am: HOLY SWEAR WORD. IT IS LIKE PEEING SHARDS OF GLASS… THAT ARE ON FIRE.
5:07am: Wipe, stand up, wash hands, oh I need to pee AGAIN. Repeat cycle until I feel brave enough to get up and go grab my phone.
5:25am: Back on the loo, scrolling Facebook. The extractor fan is pretty noisy. Hope it wakes Russ up so he can suffer with me and get me a few glasses of water.
5:30am: Googled symptoms. I am apparently dying.
5:40am: Right, One last go at getting up.
5:45am: In the kitchen drinking pints of water – Flush them kidneys out.
5:59am: Toilet then bed. Repeat previous cycle for 15 minutes. Surely this counts as squats? I will look good in a bikini after all…. ha!
6:15am: Jump into bed with an aloud enough sigh to stir Russell. Tell him I am dying and I need attention.
6:16am: Russell pats my head and rolls over.
6:30am: I need to pee AGAIN.
6:31am: Think about what I would do if I won the lottery to take my mind of the radiating pain from my pee hole.
6:45am: Drift off to sleep.
7:00am: Alarm goes off – Why, its a Saturday?! NEED TO PEE. No time for snooze button.
7:02am: Is that it? A little dribble? OH COME ON.
7:05am: Well… I guess this is how I will be spending my day!