Diary of a UTI (drama) Queen – Part 1

5:04am: Eyes ping open… oh no no no no! Run to the bathroom, trying not to wake snoring beauty (Russell) in the other half of the bed.

5:06am: HOLY SWEAR WORD. IT IS LIKE PEEING SHARDS OF GLASS… THAT ARE ON FIRE.

5:07am: Wipe, stand up, wash hands, oh I need to pee AGAIN. Repeat cycle until I feel brave enough to get up and go grab my phone.

5:25am: Back on the loo, scrolling Facebook. The extractor fan is pretty noisy. Hope it wakes Russ up so he can suffer with me and get me a few glasses of water.

5:30am: Googled symptoms. I am apparently dying.

5:40am: Right, One last go at getting up.

5:45am: In the kitchen drinking pints of water – Flush them kidneys out.

5:59am: Toilet then bed. Repeat previous cycle for 15 minutes. Surely this counts as squats? I will look good in a bikini after all…. ha!

6:15am: Jump into bed with an aloud enough sigh to stir Russell. Tell him I am dying and I need attention.

6:16am: Russell pats my head and rolls over.

6:30am: I need to pee AGAIN.

6:31am: Think about what I would do if I won the lottery to take my mind of the radiating pain from my pee hole.

6:45am: Drift off to sleep.

7:00am: Alarm goes off – Why, its a Saturday?! NEED TO PEE. No time for snooze button.

7:02am: Is that it? A little dribble? OH COME ON.

7:05am: Well… I guess this is how I will be spending my day!

 

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Cry Baby…

I had this post to be scheduled for AM today but after my meltdown yesterday I have had to change the content… as all I did was cry last night and this post said I had made it through this round of flaring with only one shed of tears. What a lie that would of been!

I am a well known crier – I always feel better after a good sob. I cry about anything really: happy moments, sad times, angry, hangry, ill.

I cried when Sainsbury’s moved the pizza to a different aisle, I cried when Greggs had no chicken bakes, when I fell on Princess St, I balled my eyes out during Jane the Virgin, I tear up at way too many Facebook videos. I am crier and I can’t stop.

I am good at holding all the tears in, well apart from my face getting red and unable to hold a conversation as my voice comes out in squeaks! So after a lovely meal last night the pain just erupted. I kept my cool then into the car and BOOM floodgates opened. Luckily it was only a 5 minute drive home as we would of needed arm bands to stay a float with the rate the tears where coming out – drama queen or what!

Anyway, today is a new day. I am wearing trousers unbuttoned, my hair in a messy/greasy bun which surprisingly has had compliments (!!!!) and I have a tin of beans and sausages for my lunch. This is my Tinky McGee look and I am fully embracing it… Hopefully without bursting into tears when somebody final plucks up the courage to tell me my trousers are falling down!

It is ok to cry so let those tears flow if you need to! Also, bless Russell for not commenting on my ugly crying face. Do you have an ugly cry face too?

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Fatigued. Chronically Fatigued.

* Fatigue isn’t just tiredness which will be cured by a lie in *

Today has been a bad day. I have caved to the fatigue and pain and now I am lying like a potato on the bed (not in the bed as that is too much effort), slowly working my way through a pizza, which I used the last of my energy to cook. My plan is not to move until my 8am alarm tomorrow – thank goodness for flexi and my very understanding work!fatigue

Now, if you were to tell me 5 years ago there was a medical condition for being tired, I would of laughed in your face, tell you to have an early night and stop moaning BUT here I am 5 years older, and a lot more tired, addicted to coffee, immune to Lucozade and cry at the drop of a hat.

I picture my levels of hunger, tiredness and urgency for the toilet like the bar at the bottom of the screen when playing The Sims, you know what one I am talking about? It alerts you when you should feed your little Sim or send them to the toilet. However, my life is real. My fatigue is real. My crabbitness is very real – not even a pretty Snapchat filter can hide it!

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Today my levels have been zero – even with endless cups of coffee. My symptoms include dizziness, a splitting headache and joint pain. I have been having hot flushes one minute then shivering like a leaf the next. Everything has been such an effort which ended up me walking home from work in tears, cringe! Then more tears in Sainsbury’s over pizza, more cringe! and finally bumping into everyone I know looking a bit frazzled, while sporting a make up free puffy face with a basket filled to the brim with junk food (Doritos are £1!!!). Ah life!

It has certainly taught me a lesson though. I always say I am proud of myself that I power through no matter what. I mean, I made it to work with a fistula. If you don’t know what that involves – click here. It’s not pleasant. Yet lack of pizza in my local supermarket sends me into a blubbering mess and that is ok. It is ok to take it easy, It doesn’t make me a failure!

Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully with less tears, more coffee and I make it to work – Wish me luck.

Signing off now to take some painkillers and catch some zzzzz

x

 

 

 

The Pitt Market on Pitt Street

As I have no exciting plans for my day till later and Russell is working an extra shift, I thought I’d fire out another post while lazing in front of the tv. (I’ve already finished Gilmore Girls!!)

A few Saturdays ago I ventured down to Leith to attend the weekly Pitt Market. Where you can try a range of street food from different food trucks and sample a wide variety of alcoholic beverages. All while listening to live music and huddled around open pit fires. I had stalked the market for a long time on Instagram so I was very glad when I had a free weekend to finally attend. Check them out here – the photos will definitely make you want to brave the cold and head down!

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On arrival I was greeted with a friendly welcome from a human and a dog – yes dogs are allowed, another reason to go. I paid £1 to get in and I could stay as long as I wanted to ( I managed a few hours, until I lost all feeling in my toes!)  I had researched before hand so I knew what trucks were attending. Thankfully the week I was able to go Rost were there. I have sampled their wonderfully, cheesey macaroni ‘baws’ before so was hyped to be able to have them again. They are worth the risk of clogged arteries – believe me!

However my first stop was with Chick + Pea for some falafel served on a good few dollops of humus. This was my first time trying humus and I have been eating it ever since. I was classing this as a starter but the portion size was very generous and certainly could of been a main.

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I now needed a refreshment to go with the falafel so wandered over to a makeshift cocktail bar. The bar man was very informative about spirits – but you know me, I drink anything really. I ordered ‘Bizon Cooler’ which was on the specials board. It contained vodka, peach, passion fruit and apple. It did it’s magic in warming me up a little bit.

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Also, another thing with being cold is it makes me need to pee instantly. I was pleasantly surprised with the loos though. Not something I thought I would ever say about an outside event. Let me reassure you, that the toilets at the Pitts where a lot cleaner than your average Portaloo. A nice touch of art work hanging on the wall too!

Next, was time for a main course and where else to head than Rost. I never ordered macaroni ‘baws’ though. I went for the steak and chips after smelling it cooking on the bbq. It was £7 for a paper container stacked with chips and a good helping of perfectly cooked steak. It also came with a generous blob of garlic mayo (something I shouldn’t eat but enjoyed far too much) and a pile of healthy greens which I slyly hid in my napkin. That meal was worth every penny. I would certainly consider hiring them if I ever need catering. Obviously while eating steak another drink was needed. I settled on a pint, but it was a tough call between a cold beer or a glass of rose.

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I was starting to feel a little bit full at this point and beer makes me bloated so I had to pick my next meal very carefully. Do I go for a hot dog the size of my forearm or go for a pudding?

Pudding won.

Parked near the entrance was a crème brûlée truck. It was a must. They had 4 options on offer: salted caramel brownie, cookie smores, hazelnut and white choc or original. This was the toughest decision of the day so far. Very kindly, I was able to mix to flavours to create a salted caramel, cookie smore crème brûlée. The more sugar the better!

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I ate my brûlée by an open pit fire but by this point I was starting to get very cold so sadly had to call it a day! It was now dark by this point and the market was twinkling away with lots of fairy lights and there was a relaxed atmosphere which definitely made it hard to leave (next time I was be wearing more layers)

Next year I will be back… More than once!

 

 

sh*ts and gigs

Q.How do you survive a gig with chronic fatigue and inflamed insides?
A. With great difficulty.

Although here I am to tell the tale…

My plan was to laze around before hand and use as little energy as possible. As the gig was in Glasgow, we planned ahead and booked a night in a hotel to take the pressure of relying on the ever so trustworthy Scotrail. Thanks Abode Glasgow for your hospitality – even if your lift was broken, and I had to climb 3 flights of stairs. That took a dent in the energy fund. Luckily, the bed was like lying on a cloud so I was able to dose while Russell enjoyed the rugby before we had to consider making moves to the 02 Academy.

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We were able to have a few drinks in the room before hand while I was getting ready. I enjoyed a few cans of Tesco Woo Woo – classy. Chase and Status tweeted the time they were due on stage so we were in no rush to head out as they weren’t coming on till 21:45. We left around 9pm and as it was freezing outside agreed on a taxi to take us instead of walking. This meant more energy for jumping around too! The reception staff were very accommodating in phoning a taxi and it arrived in minutes. No hanging about.

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I had already had a few drinks with my lunch at TGIs then those wee cans so I was feeling slightly tipsy – I am a lightweight at the best of times. Russell was merry with a good few pints.

We were in a que for a while as the bouncers did a very thorough search of everyone – Thankfully my Solpodol was allowed in. First thing first once I had been reunited with Russell was pee. Yip, I had to brave public toilets and I’d broken the seal so this was going to be a regular occurrence during the night. They were fully stocked with loo roll and reasonably clean… just. It was the start of the night mind you. Toilets give me the fear even though I spend a good amount of time perched on them.

Anyway, after that it was drink time. This night could of went either of two ways. I have one more drink and want my bed, or it sends me the other way and I am able to dance the night away. Alas it was the latter. Yay!

My fragile body probably shouldn’t be attending gigs like Chase and Status but hey, I hate letting it hold me back. Thank goodness for painkillers (which surprisingly I managed without until the next day) I survived an hour and a half of jumping, pushing and shouting –  I loved every minute. We were down the front for most of the gig but soon worked out the bar at the back sold vodka, so lingered around there while topping up our alcohol levels. Probably another thing I shouldn’t be doing… My bad!

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I had the best time… That was until I woke up in the grumpiest of moods the next morning, with a body that felt like it had been hit by a train and a very dodgy tummy thanks to the pineapple juice in my cocktails. Lovely! Poor Russell managed to put up with me on the train home, along with his raging hangover.

So, another example of not holding back on enjoying life!

Now to catch up on my sleeeeep….. zzzzz.

 

 

 

Thanks for the tab Foundry 39!

I am one of those annoying friends you have on Facebook that shares any competition going. New carpets, free hair cut, win a glamping holiday etc. I enter them ALL!

Anyway, a few weeks ago I won a bar tab at the newly opened Foundry 39 at the West End in Edinburgh. Situated right beside Indigo Yard and Pizza Express – Ideal. Unfortunately I was unable to attend due to a Crohn’s flare. Boo! However the lovely staff at The List, who were running the comp were kind enough to move it to a date when I was feeling better. Yay, thank you!

I had £25 to enjoy on their food and as many cocktails I could squeeze in. However, if you know Russell and I we love a drink, so food was out the window and on came the pints and very quirky cocktails. (we ate at Sygn Bar before hand which was really, really good!)

On arrival, we were quickly shown to our table, nestled in a corner with the best view of the pizza oven, which looked amazing (you can get a Nutella pizza – I was sold) We could also see a clear view of the band who were setting up, tweaking away at their instruments. The lovely Julia introduced herself and brought us our first round of drinks. A pint for Russell (shock) and I got a purple rain cocktail which had a strong fragrance of lavender. It kind of reminded me of my gran. It was drinkable enough once my tongue got over the initial soapy taste. The cocktail was served in a bronzed cup, which I did contemplate stealing – if it wasn’t for the fact it was filled with crushed ice I probably would of. Shh.

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I loved the atmosphere of the place. It was filled with a mix of people out enjoying their Friday night. Be it a quick drink after work, a wee date night, or a catch up over some delicious looking food. The burgers are presented wrapped in paper like fast food but much better quality with crispy fries. Ah, making me hungry at the thought as I have just had my mums slimming world lasagne for tea…

My next choice of cocktail was a gin based one. Forgive me that I can’t remember the name – I did take a photo though. It had a pretty flower floating in it. Very fancy. Russell was still on the pints.

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The price of the cocktails range from £7.50-£9 which I would say is fairy reasonable as they certainly don’t skimp on the alcohol content.  Heavily advertised is their Bloody Mary breakfasts. So, I will need to make the effort to book a table for brunch. Any excuse to drink and eat breakfast food.

At around 7:30pm the live band started singing a range of songs. Stevie Wonder was on the set list – good choice! They were worth the wait and made us stay for another drink. Also good music in the toilets – can sing along while you pee, happy days. As you know by now, I love a clean toilet and these were. I loved the bronzed features and posh hand soap!

My last cocktail was a Bellini, which turned out to be my favourite of the night. Russell went all out with a double vodka – living it up in the West End.

So thanks again to The List for the tab. We fair enjoyed ourselves and will definitely be back to Foundry 39 for some brunch soon.

If any other bar/pub/restaurant serves alcohol – Myself and Russell would happily sample your drinks! Haha!

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Date night(mare)

As I was watching Planet Earth and scrolling through Facebook, I came across this article. While I was reading, I found to be nodding in agreement more than I would of liked to. The article was about having fun while battling with a chronic illness. In my experience, when people see me out and about they often question if I am really sick and they will openly tell me –  “You don’t look sick!” or “If you are ill, you really shouldn’t be doing that!” Well people, I am sick. It took a long time and a few cameras in uncomfortable places to diagnose me. My insides don’t look too pretty! And no, I probably shouldn’t be doing what ever I’m about to but I will of saved my spoons, avoided certain foods and taken my meds to enjoy the moment – which will still be sore. Sigh.

Anyway, enough of the rant… This post while hopefully give you an insight into me venturing out the house for a night. Enjoy!

Last night, the lovely Russell offered to treat me to dinner before heading to a 30th party in Edinburgh. I love eating out (after finding a suitable restaurant – details to follow) and I love a wee dance every now and again so this was a Saturday I was not wasting stuck at home, in my jammies, watching series 7 of Gilmore Girls.

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From about Wednesday, I have been on Google trying to find a place to eat. Things I needed to consider was if it was close to the party venue as walking takes it out me, if they had a wide range of choices even though I am boring and never stray away from anything with more than 3 main ingredients (chicken, cheese, tomato base – Pizza!) and hello anxiety my old friend, how busy the place would be. As I hate making final decisions, Russell had the task of picking from a list of menus I had scrutinised over. Amarone, Bella Italia or throwing a curve ball, El Cartel. (Menu reading is a favourite hobby of mine. I can recite the local Chinese menu of by heart and I am not even ashamed!)

Amarone was the winner.

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So, at around 6pm we jumped on a train to Edinburgh and walked over Princes Street to Amarone. It wasn’t too busy and with a few vodka and cranberries before hand and Russell by my side I was reasonably calm – Unlike my previous meltdown at the Park Bistro a few weeks before. Cringe!

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As I said in a previous post I was going to try and be adventurous so this meant no pizza for me. I was faced either with chicken in a basil sauce with mushrooms and pancetta or spaghetti and meatballs. Chicken won. The waitress did  bring over an accidental pizza before hand – it was like she could sense my fear of what was to come! However, I’m glad I got the chicken as it was a solid 8/10 dish unlike Russell’s carbonara  which was a bit lukewarm and tasteless. Being my dinner date though, means he always gets a meal and a half.

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Now, with always sticking to the same restaurants you know things, like where the toilets are. As I had never been to Amarone before, I underestimated the trek it would be to use the loo. As I went through one door, down a set of never ending spiral stairs, along a corridor and through another two doors, I arrived at the ladies. I was at the point of doing the jiggly dance and thinking Russell better still love me if we get asked to leave because I have no bladder control and wee’d on the floor! Luckily, a cubicle was available and I darted in with my tights nearly already at my ankles. I have no shame! Disaster of wet knickers and getting renamed Miss Pee Pants was just avoided. Phew. Our night could continue along to the Voodoo Rooms.

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As we had just ate, this is usually when my stomach decides to make whale noises while it’s doing it’s magic digesting. As before, I am not embarrassed by this. Before I would constantly apologise at every grumble it made, now I laugh. So I was walking into a room with my whale sounding, bloated stomach.. Great first impressions!

Russell got us both a drink and I started to relax, while eyeing up the buffet food. I love a party, and I love it even more when there is a buffet. There was pizza and chicken satays so I was rather pleased for all of 5 minutes before sitting down when the pain in my side returned which was not a welcomed addition to the party atmosphere. I am a crier, I cry easily so it took all my might to hold back the tears and snot. The pain has been measured the same pain as labour so I am pretty much having labour pains.. every… friggin… day! I held it together, thanks to Russell. I owe him big time. The pain eased, probably thanks to the few vodkas I had and I was able to carry my night on to the best nightclub in Scotland, Code (joking!)

Today, I was very tired and Russell was slightly fragile so it was the perfect excuse to lie on the couch, eat beige food (I am sure I keep Birdseye in business) and start on the Christmas movies.

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I have posted pictures on Facebook which looks like I am having the time of my life. When actually I am dealing with labour pains (ha!) I would say about 60% of my night I was sore. However, I don’t want to be defined by Crohn’s so when I can, I will still continue to live my life the best way I can.

PS. Everyone who has Crohn’s suffers differently. I am fine to drink alcohol in moderation. Salad on the other hand is a no no!

x