Embracing the embarrassment…

This post might put you of Oreos for the rest of your life so here is a poo warning. You read on at your own risk…

Today I thought I would share 3 embarrassing moments involving poo and me, as I usually have some poo related incident a week. These moments will now be on the internet FOREVER.

  1. I have mentioned this before but it is too funny not to mention again – my poo sample exploding over the reception desk at my doctors. NEVER fill the sample jar up. They only need a SMALL amount. Lesson was well and truly learnt!KRAFT FOODS - Oreo
  2. Eating a packet of Oreos the day before a poo sample was due was a mistake. My poo came out black in an Oreo crust. I certainly got asked a few extra questions when handing it over. Hilda* (receptionist) and I now have a weird relationship that began over my explosive/black poo.KRAFT FOODS - Oreo
  3. Before I was diagnosed I went on a long weekend up North. The place we were staying at had a Sauna in the bathroom. Of course, my dodgy bowels played up and I had to go. It was bad… the smelliest poo, even to this day to leave me. I was so embarrassed I blamed it on the ‘mouldy’ sauna – I don’t think anyone used it again on the trip!

KRAFT FOODS - Oreo

Sometimes I ask myself why do I share my life so much, but if it gives one person struggling with IBD out there a laugh it’s worth it! I am sure we have all had an uh oh moment involving poo. I certainly have a list as long as my arm with many more coming my way.

I also have embarrassing moments involving being clumsy, drunk, old photos and not thinking before I speak.

Anyway, my point in this post is embrace your embarrassing moments – they make you great!

Embarrassing 1

 

Woe is me

Well haven’t my last few posts been a bit depressing eh!

I promise I am a happy wee ginger most of the time. The posts are just to give you a insight into my not so glamourous life where I spend about 95% of my time in jammies.

If I am not crying/in noticeable pain I mostly looking like the pics below. Smiling, probably drinking a gin or being sociable with coffee and cake. I push myself A LOT to not cave to the hermit life which is why I think people have been shocked by my recent posts.

Although saying that, the soppy posts have opened the flood gates for cake offerings (thanks Uncle Ian!) so I might just have to keep it real with you as long as Nutella is involved. Ha!

Now in the words of Mcfly – 

Oh, you just gotta be happy
But sometimes that’s hard
So just remember to smile, smile, smile
And that’s a good enough start

 

smile 5

smile 3
Happy St Paddy’s Day!
smile 2
Coffee, coffee, coffee – getting me through the day.
smile 1
Rhubarb gin and prosecco is the perfect combo. Trust me!

 

 

smile 4
The smallest gin cocktail but the priciest on the menu.

 

 

UGH, School.

I had a fairly normal school life up until 5th year when I started experiencing IBS like symptoms. That was when I started to hate school and everything started to go a bit wrong. Tears, failing tests and A LOT of sick days.

5th and 6th year was a struggle but when I look back now it was totally understandable. I was in more pain than the average woman in labour but had no access to pain relief or understanding of what my body was doing. This pain was with me every day throughout my Higher education – it was not the fun and sociable 2 years I had been expecting.School 2

No one had a clue what do to help me so I just tried to continue on with life as best I could while taking Buscopan for IBS. Days just got harder though…

Between unsympathetic teachers, exams, university pressure and constant speculation that I had an eating disorder, it was no wonder I wanted to spend my time wrapped up in bed. My exams didn’t go great, my social life suffered and I never ended up going to university. WHY?… As my classmates where able to concentrate on the teacher and learning, I was more concerned about sh*tting on the floor or passing out mid-exam.

I wasn’t diagnosed until the end of 6th year so I had no explanation to give the teachers for a year and a half as they shouted at me when I wasn’t getting the grasp of Pythagoras or falling asleep during a class reading of ‘Death of a Salesman’ I was ill but sadly, they never believed me as I had no proof or medical note to excuse me from class.note

I was monitored for a bit to make sure I was eating at lunchtime. Which then just left me in pain for the afternoon and a big grump. On the outside I was seen as a bubbly girl, always up for a laugh or a joke. ALWAYS talking but in reality, I would cry myself to sleep as I knew the diagnosis of what I had wasn’t going to be pleasant with the symptoms I was experiencing!

Finally I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. I hadn’t been faking being ill, I never had an eating disorder and I could get on with my life. However it wasn’t that easy, obviously.

My school lacked knowledge, support and sympathy to help me. What I should have done was push for more help, get toilet passes, exam help, extra lesson time, extra exam time and work from home days (if agreed by the school of course) but I was embarrassed. Any young IBD sufferers reading this, you are entitled to help. So raise your voice – remember everyone poos to some extent (Probably just not as much as us) and try to get over the embarrassment of this disease.School

In the long run I know I would have struggled with uni so I am quite glad I never went. I now have a full time job, where I am gaining qualifications and I’m not afraid to speak up if I need extra help.

So you young ones out there – you can do anything you want to it, it might just take a few extra toilet trips that’s all x

 

 


 

Confessions of a Crohnie – Part 3

  • I have gone to the doctors in my jammies more than once – not even ashamed.
  • My granny pants are so big they come up to my belly button.
  • Every time I try and be healthy or go to the gym, my body goes into shock. WHY ARE YOU FEEDING ME VEGETABLES – GO TO MCDONALDS AND ORDER A CHEESEBURGER. (FYI – I tried a pea pod the other day and I lived to tell the tale).
  • My painkillers are the dissolvable kind as I can’t swallow tablets.
  • Sometimes so much poo comes out of me I wonder how it is possible?!

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  • I get annoyed when people confuse IBD with IBS – it is NOT the same thing.
  • I get frustrated when people assume I am well because I am young and say you look great… nope, help, my insides are red raw. I have about 89 mouth ulcers (exaggeration) and I don’t know the last time I had a solid bowel movement.
  • I am lucky that my work understand my disease. I have worked in retail before where it was a struggle to get them to realise it’s not IBS (see point 1 of this section) Print outs and tears eventually helped me get the point across.
  • I always feel dirty.
  • I go through about 4 rolls of toilet roll a week.

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  • At the moment I just want to eat quiche and drink Dr Pepper – healthy as ever.
  • My farts smell so bad sometimes, I have actually boked in my mouth (sorry TMI!)
  • Every day for me is a learning day. I love reading about new Crohn’s studies/developments.
  • As you probably are aware, I am very open about my body. I could talk about poo all day, every day.
  • I should be renamed Spotty McSpot face at the moment as I am having a major break out thanks to medication.

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  • Even when it’s a warm night, I have to go to a bed with a hot water bottle strapped to my back.
  • My pain threshold is pretty impressive.
  • I would love to wear white jeans but I have the FEAR of an accident happening and knowing my luck it would happen in public.
  • I have learnt not to judge. I can’t stress enough the importance of not evil eyeing someone as they come out of a disabled loo – Not every disability is visible!
  • Sometimes I just have to laugh at the situations I get myself into and hope everyone else is as understanding about the smells, tears and regular updates.

 

A wee cry in the sky

Russell and I flew down to Southampton for a friends wedding in Portsmouth (not Plymouth as we originally thought and planned for – oops!) and all was fine.

wedding 3

HOWEVER…

The return journey was not so fine.

(After reading the news I am now blaming the pain on drinking two Costa ice drinks – read here!!!)

Anyway, as soon as our flight took off to head back to Glasgow airport, something inside me decided to cause great pain. It was like I was being continually stabbed while  someone was also twisting my intestine. It felt like my insides were swelling up and I would soon resemble Violet from Willy Wonka (although I am not purple) My feet already looked like little Richmond sausages from the heat so I knew I could pull of this bloated look… just not the pain!

Queue the tears…

It was soon clear that I was the baby on board this flight.

The pain was so bad that not even a game of cards could take my mind of it. This resulted in Russell letting me win a few games to make me feel better (awww!).

For the whole flight I spent it wiping tears away and taking deep breaths as I never had any painkillers to hand. I sounded like one of the mums to be on One Born Every Minute – Can you visualise the scene? A lot of huffing and puffing was taking place while I sat with my jeans unbuttoned crying into a deck of cards.wedding 2I managed to compose myself in time for landing but as soon as I stood up to get off the little propeller plane the pain was heightened. I was walking like I had had an accident in my pants (which surprisingly I hadn’t – yes, I am as shocked as you are!)

Two feet safely on concrete I was sure I was close to passing out. Hunched over clenching my left side, two airport staff came to assist. I knew if I spoke it would just be a wail of pain and tears so Russell tried to inform them I had Crohn’s. To begin with I think they thought I had been punched in the stomach. They couldn’t of been any quicker to react and next thing I knew I was being quickly escorted through the airport in a wheelchair out to the bus stop. Cringe or what?

wedding 1

So where does that leave me? Well I am now fearing for a long haul flight to Florida in November but hopefully Edinburgh Airport are just as nice as Glasgow? I shall keep you posted!

PS. I might now consider adult nappies…

 

 

 

 

Chained to the Toilet – Day 2

Day 2 of this flare and I am onto toilet roll number 4, season 2 of RuPaul’s drag race and my 3rd pair of clean jammies – so far so good I would say (all considering that is!)

I am currently off sick from work which I HATE doing due to my Crohn’s but I think my colleagues will be thanking me on this occasion. I am extra moany, extra whiney and extra smelly… but I feel like when I phone in sick I don’t sound sick. I don’t even look sick.

SO what is wrong with me this time?

I am peeing poo – yip – that is happening. l also have blood in my poo and severe stomach cramps. The thought of leaving the house with no access to a toilet is giving me the FEAR! Thank goodness for painkillers, antibiotics and hot water bottles.

I am not even attempting to push on today . I am admitting defeat to this flare by curling up in my new bed (it eventually arrived) and working my way through a pack of Andrex wet wipes – Sometimes you just have to treat yourself and your bum.

Fingers crossed I will be back at work soon. Doing what I do best and pestering my colleagues with my how to be an adult questions!

Toilet RollP.S. Not looking for sympathy here. Just keeping it real with all you lovely readers.

 

 

 

Holidaying with a Crohine

Russell and I have been on a few trips during our nearly 4 years of being with each other and every trip I am a slight pain, as I like to know every little detail, have a fear of unknown loos, through the roof travel insurance and if venturing to a sunny destination – usually end up burnt to a crisp.

Our first trip was to Ibiza in August 2014. My main concern on this trip was how am I going to poo? Bearing in mind my poos can smell worse than sewage. There is no amount of frebreze that could save this situation. Every time I needed to go I would make an excuse ‘Oh I forgot my headphones’ , ‘Oh I forgot my book’ , ‘Oh I forgot the sun cream’ – you get the drift. This of course only worked if we weren’t in the room to begin with. By the end of the week (as my confidence grew) I just told him to stand out on the balcony while I took to the thrown. To be honest, toilets were the least of my worries once I ended up with sun stroke!

 

Ibiza
I was nearly pooing my pants on this!

 

By the December of 2015 we were fed up with the cold so booked a last minute deal to Tenerife. We flew out and were put into a fancy suite at Hotel Arenas Del Mar. It was lovely and the bathroom was huge. I had been with Russell 2 and a half years by this point so pooing didn’t seem to be too much of an issue. I didn’t make him stand out on the balcony. However, the all inclusive drinks and a lightweight Clair were a slight problem!

Tenerife

For my birthday in 2016 we hopped over to Dublin to celebrate St Paddy’s day and watch Ireland destroy Scotland in the Six Nations (boo!) Anyway, to celebrate my birthday we went out for a nice meal which ended up with me being glued to the toilet for the entire night crying for my mum! The meal was reappearing out of both ends – Not a pretty sight! Thankfully our hotel, The Spencer, had very good plumbing. This trip also included getting lost twice, a smashed phone and a stadium that sold cocktails.

 

Dublin
Do I suit a beard?

 

By the May I had managed to convince Russell we needed a trip to Blackpool (my favourite place) so after days of trailing Booking.com I found the perfect B&B – The Wescoe. It was a beautiful B&B with a fancy bathroom (heated towel rail – yes please!) I loved it so much we stayed again this year. There was no poo drama on this mini break you’ll be pleased to hear.

 

Blackpool
Happy as Larry.

 

On our return from Blackpool we were back on the road down to Centre Parcs with Russell’s family. For this trip my bowels were not playing I nice. I was so nervous about the toilet situation I COULD JUST NOT GO and this resulted in me being constipated for a weekend – sigh! Not even eating a curry (which I tend to stay away from due to unsightly circumstances) got things moving. I also learnt on this trip I am not as active as I thought I was but did eat the best pancakes ever!

 

Centre Parcs
Used the bike once, then I retired from cycling.

 

Onto our last trip of 2016, a long weekend in York. Luckily we were staying at my step dads flat – with 2 bathrooms – so I was totally fine with the toilet situation. Although the journey down was tough as I had a urine infection so we had to stop at every services along the way. It was only right to get a Costa every time too! We ended up staying longer than planned as I developed some ugly viral infection which started to clear need the end of our trip. Also, we discovered the delightful parmo and now crave one every time I am drunk!

 

York
It was freezing but alcohol warmed us up!

Now what do we have planned for our next adventure? FLORIDA… in 180 something days! If you have any tips I would love to hear them.

P.S. I am already memorising food menus in preparation.