Embracing the embarrassment…

This post might put you of Oreos for the rest of your life so here is a poo warning. You read on at your own risk…

Today I thought I would share 3 embarrassing moments involving poo and me, as I usually have some poo related incident a week. These moments will now be on the internet FOREVER.

  1. I have mentioned this before but it is too funny not to mention again – my poo sample exploding over the reception desk at my doctors. NEVER fill the sample jar up. They only need a SMALL amount. Lesson was well and truly learnt!KRAFT FOODS - Oreo
  2. Eating a packet of Oreos the day before a poo sample was due was a mistake. My poo came out black in an Oreo crust. I certainly got asked a few extra questions when handing it over. Hilda* (receptionist) and I now have a weird relationship that began over my explosive/black poo.KRAFT FOODS - Oreo
  3. Before I was diagnosed I went on a long weekend up North. The place we were staying at had a Sauna in the bathroom. Of course, my dodgy bowels played up and I had to go. It was bad… the smelliest poo, even to this day to leave me. I was so embarrassed I blamed it on the ‘mouldy’ sauna – I don’t think anyone used it again on the trip!

KRAFT FOODS - Oreo

Sometimes I ask myself why do I share my life so much, but if it gives one person struggling with IBD out there a laugh it’s worth it! I am sure we have all had an uh oh moment involving poo. I certainly have a list as long as my arm with many more coming my way.

I also have embarrassing moments involving being clumsy, drunk, old photos and not thinking before I speak.

Anyway, my point in this post is embrace your embarrassing moments – they make you great!

Embarrassing 1

 

Woe is me

Well haven’t my last few posts been a bit depressing eh!

I promise I am a happy wee ginger most of the time. The posts are just to give you a insight into my not so glamourous life where I spend about 95% of my time in jammies.

If I am not crying/in noticeable pain I mostly looking like the pics below. Smiling, probably drinking a gin or being sociable with coffee and cake. I push myself A LOT to not cave to the hermit life which is why I think people have been shocked by my recent posts.

Although saying that, the soppy posts have opened the flood gates for cake offerings (thanks Uncle Ian!) so I might just have to keep it real with you as long as Nutella is involved. Ha!

Now in the words of Mcfly – 

Oh, you just gotta be happy
But sometimes that’s hard
So just remember to smile, smile, smile
And that’s a good enough start

 

smile 5

smile 3
Happy St Paddy’s Day!
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Coffee, coffee, coffee – getting me through the day.
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Rhubarb gin and prosecco is the perfect combo. Trust me!

 

 

smile 4
The smallest gin cocktail but the priciest on the menu.

 

 

UGH, School.

I had a fairly normal school life up until 5th year when I started experiencing IBS like symptoms. That was when I started to hate school and everything started to go a bit wrong. Tears, failing tests and A LOT of sick days.

5th and 6th year was a struggle but when I look back now it was totally understandable. I was in more pain than the average woman in labour but had no access to pain relief or understanding of what my body was doing. This pain was with me every day throughout my Higher education – it was not the fun and sociable 2 years I had been expecting.School 2

No one had a clue what do to help me so I just tried to continue on with life as best I could while taking Buscopan for IBS. Days just got harder though…

Between unsympathetic teachers, exams, university pressure and constant speculation that I had an eating disorder, it was no wonder I wanted to spend my time wrapped up in bed. My exams didn’t go great, my social life suffered and I never ended up going to university. WHY?… As my classmates where able to concentrate on the teacher and learning, I was more concerned about sh*tting on the floor or passing out mid-exam.

I wasn’t diagnosed until the end of 6th year so I had no explanation to give the teachers for a year and a half as they shouted at me when I wasn’t getting the grasp of Pythagoras or falling asleep during a class reading of ‘Death of a Salesman’ I was ill but sadly, they never believed me as I had no proof or medical note to excuse me from class.note

I was monitored for a bit to make sure I was eating at lunchtime. Which then just left me in pain for the afternoon and a big grump. On the outside I was seen as a bubbly girl, always up for a laugh or a joke. ALWAYS talking but in reality, I would cry myself to sleep as I knew the diagnosis of what I had wasn’t going to be pleasant with the symptoms I was experiencing!

Finally I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. I hadn’t been faking being ill, I never had an eating disorder and I could get on with my life. However it wasn’t that easy, obviously.

My school lacked knowledge, support and sympathy to help me. What I should have done was push for more help, get toilet passes, exam help, extra lesson time, extra exam time and work from home days (if agreed by the school of course) but I was embarrassed. Any young IBD sufferers reading this, you are entitled to help. So raise your voice – remember everyone poos to some extent (Probably just not as much as us) and try to get over the embarrassment of this disease.School

In the long run I know I would have struggled with uni so I am quite glad I never went. I now have a full time job, where I am gaining qualifications and I’m not afraid to speak up if I need extra help.

So you young ones out there – you can do anything you want to it, it might just take a few extra toilet trips that’s all x

 

 


 

Confessions of a Crohnie – Part 3

  • I have gone to the doctors in my jammies more than once – not even ashamed.
  • My granny pants are so big they come up to my belly button.
  • Every time I try and be healthy or go to the gym, my body goes into shock. WHY ARE YOU FEEDING ME VEGETABLES – GO TO MCDONALDS AND ORDER A CHEESEBURGER. (FYI – I tried a pea pod the other day and I lived to tell the tale).
  • My painkillers are the dissolvable kind as I can’t swallow tablets.
  • Sometimes so much poo comes out of me I wonder how it is possible?!

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  • I get annoyed when people confuse IBD with IBS – it is NOT the same thing.
  • I get frustrated when people assume I am well because I am young and say you look great… nope, help, my insides are red raw. I have about 89 mouth ulcers (exaggeration) and I don’t know the last time I had a solid bowel movement.
  • I am lucky that my work understand my disease. I have worked in retail before where it was a struggle to get them to realise it’s not IBS (see point 1 of this section) Print outs and tears eventually helped me get the point across.
  • I always feel dirty.
  • I go through about 4 rolls of toilet roll a week.

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  • At the moment I just want to eat quiche and drink Dr Pepper – healthy as ever.
  • My farts smell so bad sometimes, I have actually boked in my mouth (sorry TMI!)
  • Every day for me is a learning day. I love reading about new Crohn’s studies/developments.
  • As you probably are aware, I am very open about my body. I could talk about poo all day, every day.
  • I should be renamed Spotty McSpot face at the moment as I am having a major break out thanks to medication.

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  • Even when it’s a warm night, I have to go to a bed with a hot water bottle strapped to my back.
  • My pain threshold is pretty impressive.
  • I would love to wear white jeans but I have the FEAR of an accident happening and knowing my luck it would happen in public.
  • I have learnt not to judge. I can’t stress enough the importance of not evil eyeing someone as they come out of a disabled loo – Not every disability is visible!
  • Sometimes I just have to laugh at the situations I get myself into and hope everyone else is as understanding about the smells, tears and regular updates.

 

Dining with a Crohnie

I love food, I really do, but reading this post you are going to think are you sure? You seem like a barrel of laughs to go out for a meal with… I promise it’s all good if the rules in my head are stuck to!

If not I usually grin and bare it so you would probably never know I am on the edge of break down (ha!)

I try and go out for dinner as much as possible. It’s something I have loved to do since I was little. Anything from a bar lunch to something more formal I am always willing to give it a try – as long as there is bread rolls on the table as back up.

So what are my fears, rules and weirdness when it comes to dining out with me? Well…

  1. I always read the menu before I go anywhere. I don’t do being spontaneous when it comes to eating. I will usually have a first, second and pudding option picked out and ready to fire to the waiter. I don’t do waiting as it gives me time to overthink!
  2. Sharing food gives me the fear. I am a bit like Joey from friends, although it’s not because I am greedy I just don’t want your germs. I will share with Russell, close friends and family but that is pushing it.
  3. I like to distract myself while eating. I have to either be talking, watching TV or in a deep thought about something – I tend to glaze over. If not I end up focusing on what I am eating the end up in pain.
  4. My stomach is always making noises. It is not necessarily because I am hungry. It can sound like a whale calling… It can be embarrassing when it grumbles in the office.

Food

  1. Majority of the time I am full after 2 bites. I have had to train myself again to eat more. It is kind of like mind of matter. I am continually telling myself ‘I CAN do this!’
  2. I will ALWAYS find something wrong with a meal. I use this as an excuse to not have to finish it. Russell is always on hand to eat my leftovers though.
  3. I don’t cope well if my food is touching or if someone else (Russell) mushes their food together.
  4. I would happily live on puddings for the rest of my life.
  5. If going out for a meal I like to know every detail as my anxiety goes through the roof – Who is going, what are they eating, do they share food, do they do starters, where will we be sitting, are we staying for pudding, will they comment on my eating habits, do they know I am this weird (hahaha), is the toilet near by, will they judge me if I don’t eat my vegetables….
  6. I will only eat things made my certain people (although I am working on this one). For example, I will only eat my dads omelettes or my mums sandwiches.

Now please don’t let this list put you off inviting me out. If I don’t eat I am quite happy enjoying your company… maybe even with a glass of gin in my hand!

Chaophraya

A wee cry in the sky

Russell and I flew down to Southampton for a friends wedding in Portsmouth (not Plymouth as we originally thought and planned for – oops!) and all was fine.

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HOWEVER…

The return journey was not so fine.

(After reading the news I am now blaming the pain on drinking two Costa ice drinks – read here!!!)

Anyway, as soon as our flight took off to head back to Glasgow airport, something inside me decided to cause great pain. It was like I was being continually stabbed while  someone was also twisting my intestine. It felt like my insides were swelling up and I would soon resemble Violet from Willy Wonka (although I am not purple) My feet already looked like little Richmond sausages from the heat so I knew I could pull of this bloated look… just not the pain!

Queue the tears…

It was soon clear that I was the baby on board this flight.

The pain was so bad that not even a game of cards could take my mind of it. This resulted in Russell letting me win a few games to make me feel better (awww!).

For the whole flight I spent it wiping tears away and taking deep breaths as I never had any painkillers to hand. I sounded like one of the mums to be on One Born Every Minute – Can you visualise the scene? A lot of huffing and puffing was taking place while I sat with my jeans unbuttoned crying into a deck of cards.wedding 2I managed to compose myself in time for landing but as soon as I stood up to get off the little propeller plane the pain was heightened. I was walking like I had had an accident in my pants (which surprisingly I hadn’t – yes, I am as shocked as you are!)

Two feet safely on concrete I was sure I was close to passing out. Hunched over clenching my left side, two airport staff came to assist. I knew if I spoke it would just be a wail of pain and tears so Russell tried to inform them I had Crohn’s. To begin with I think they thought I had been punched in the stomach. They couldn’t of been any quicker to react and next thing I knew I was being quickly escorted through the airport in a wheelchair out to the bus stop. Cringe or what?

wedding 1

So where does that leave me? Well I am now fearing for a long haul flight to Florida in November but hopefully Edinburgh Airport are just as nice as Glasgow? I shall keep you posted!

PS. I might now consider adult nappies…

 

 

 

 

Drinking with a Crohnie – Linlithgow Marches

HIP HIP?! HOORAY!

I get asked a lot if I am ok to drink alcohol, and the answer is yes! (woo) I tend to drink spirits – gin being my favourite – but every Crohnie is different. I struggle with cider and beer which is a shame, as there is nothing better than on a hot day (rare occurrence in Scotland) than to crack open a fruit cider and burn my ginger skin.

Anyway, Tuesday was Linlithgow Marches. A historic event where the boundaries of my little town are checked and declared safe with lots of pipe bands, floats and celebrated with a few alcoholic beverages. You can read more here about the ins and outs – A lot of planning goes into running the day smoothly so thanks to everyone involved!

My family celebrate the Marches by doing a pub crawl along the high street, which Linlithgow has plenty of. We start at the West port and head along to the Low port hitting every pub along the way.

It is an early start on the Marches with pubs opening at 7am – we held off until 10am… This year we were sensible though and lined our stomach with morning rolls cooked by Russell (unlike previous years… oops!)Marches 1 .jpgThe first procession along the high street starts at 5am but I was still sound asleep (I did walk it last year) so I was glad to see the 11am one. This years floats included Beauty and the Beast, Baby Boss and Ghostbusters to name a few.

Marches 2

As the pubs are busier than usual toilet queues are very likely. This is the one time having Crohn’s can come in very handy as I have a ‘Can’t Wait’ card. I do use this to my advantage – naughty, I know! A BIG shout out though to Ellie’s Cellar who let me quickly pop in. I did return the favour by purchasing a mini Edinburgh Gin to top up the hip flask. It is great to see so many people out celebrating together and having a laugh. I always end up bumping into people I haven’t seen in ages. It is a great excuse to catch up!

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Being the kids Russell and I think we are, we headed along to the shows that are set up in the Tesco car park. After a few spins on the waltzers I decided I was hungry so went to get pizza. Which unfortunately ended up all down my white dress. I am hoping Vanish will be able to remove the cheese stains.

We met back up with the family and next thing I knew I was up on stage in the local hall singing along with a band to the Proclaimers. Sorry for anyone who had to hear!!!Marches 5

After a little dancing Russell and I decided to call it a night and get some chips and cheese for the walk home.

Definitely one of my favourite days of the year and you will be glad to know I woke up hangover free unlike someone else I know (Russell).

Long live the Marches!